This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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