My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
