i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize