His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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