I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Randomize