Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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