First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
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