I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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