; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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