I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
