She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
