Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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