I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
