Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
