All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
