im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
