i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
two words...techno handjob
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The uberlube is also flammable
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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