If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
