I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
