she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
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And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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