this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
