i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
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You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
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Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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