I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
