i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
