Whod you bang
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
They have beer where we have blood.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
