We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
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Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
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And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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