I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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