I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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