I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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