went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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