6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
