Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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