We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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