I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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