I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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