the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
