if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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