do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
