So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
