i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
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Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
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Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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