When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
In America we eat man semen.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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