Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize