if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
