Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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