I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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