He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
