i'm lost and i look like a hooker
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I stole a fireplace last night.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
