Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
