i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
