margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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