MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
