Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
