I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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