I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
