my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
