Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
