Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
