I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
