Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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