i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
