do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
