P.S. I can't hear my feet
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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