Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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