how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Randomize
