You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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