remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
