his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
