Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
