She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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