You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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