Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
