Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
