worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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