the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My vagina is officially offended.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
