Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
