How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
