so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
is that a dick in a sweater?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
