And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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