census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
