True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
