Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
At least life still wants to fuck me.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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