If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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